Thursday, December 10, 2009

Long ago we fought
we fought each other
we fought everybody else
long ago you needed me
you missed me
ached to be close to me
thought I was beautiful
inside and out
long ago, we were in love
so long ago
these days.....
I wander transparent
hoping you will glance my way
ignite my colours
save me from drought
instead I am shelf bound and
dusty waiting to be
noticed explored and adored
waiting for you......
then my mind becomes clear
ephinany......
I see while i'm waiting
on you to love me
I am losing
I am forgetting to love
adore and honor myself
I am forgetting I am enough
I cannot expect the job
I must do, to be performed by you
if you do love me, you'll come back
and if you don't, i'll be ok
because I am enough
I was....I am....I will be

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

If loving you is wrong,
I don't ever wanna be right.
If loving you means my last living day,
I will die and embrace the darkness of
the night.

If loving you means facing hate,
I don't want anyone's love.
If loving you means by imprisonment,
I don't wanna fly like a dove.

If loving you means no more happiness,
I will lovingly embrace any sorrow.
If loving you means death forever and
your love for today,
Then I don't' wanna live tomorrow.

If loving you means being apart from
you,
Then I don't want to go on in life
anymore.
If loving you means giving you my last
breath,

Then boy I've succeeded cuz you take
my breath away
In the darkness of the shadows,
Lies my soul,
Looking inside me,
There’s only a hole.
Numbing my mind,
Killing my soul.
The screams in my head,
The tears I’ve shed.
The words I’ve said,
Are left unread.
My scary dreams;
The cause of my frightened screams.
Your indignant yell
Is making me rebel.
And my rebellion has a cause,
But you’re too busy noticing my flaws.
The feeling I’ve felt inside,
Is the one I’m always going to hide.
The silent anger,
Within me it resides.
Under the stars,
Beside the waves,
Hold me babe,
And sing to me.

Take my hand and never let go.
Hug me tight and bring me close.
Cuz in your arms
Is where I belong.

Under the stars,
Beside the waves,
Lets dance to no music,
And sway to our own beat.

Take my hand and never let go,
Hug me tight and bring me close.
Cuz in your arms,
Is where I belong.

Under the stars,
Beside the waves,
The feeling of your strong embrace,
Feels just too good to be true.

Take my hand and never let go.
Hug me tight and bring me close.
Cuz in your arms,
Is where I belong.

In your arms is where I’m secure.
In your arms I feel loved.
Babe I have so much love to give,
Are u ready to embrace it?
Please hug me tight and bring me me close,
And don’t ever let go.
Cuz in your arms,
Is where I belong.
Silent tears soaking my pillow,
Blood stains on the floor;
Darkness swallowing me,
Im pushed forward to an unforgiving door.

My silence hides your dirty sins,
No matter what,
Injustice always wins.

Horrible memories eroding my mind,
This world seems to have gone blind.
Cannot see within this dark child,
What’d unravel is truly wild.

In my path lie a million thorns,
Hurt my body with a billion pricks.
Why doesn’t anyone speak out?
This world plays its dirty tricks.

Why can’t I numb the pain?
Why must I feel it
Over and over again?
I try to forget,
But in vain.

Hate me,
Hit me,
Slap me,
Kill me.
This souls doesn’t wish to live.

Bleeding and crying,
Silently every night,
Dear Lord,
This child hopes for demise.

Give her sense,
Make her wise,
Rid her hopes of
A bleeding demise.

Ease her grief,
Make her smile.
Your little child hopes for
A better life.
I see, you walking down the street
I see, you laughing and mourning
I see, you struggling between desire and fate
I see, you constantly avoiding me

I still talk to you, don’t you see
I still admire you, it’s hard to be
Trapped in this web of mediocrity
Soon this spider will eat me

People utter that I still love you
I am trying so hard to undo
Tell me is that true, un-clue?
As I expected, a life brand new

What else is left for me
When its not You..
I swim
Towards an unknown shore
Drawn towards…
The deep sea
I may drown
In the abyss of another world
Unknown to me…
I watch the waves beating the rocks
As it throbs…
In my heart.

Why am I climbing
Onto the steep hills
I know…
I am scared of heights
I look down…
From those deadly curves
The more, I feel dizzy
As the cloud kisses its peaks
It stirs an ache
I realize i may fall.

In the magical desert
As I get lost…
I walk without a destination
In its stormy dune
I heard it is this way…
In love
The oasis…
Seem a mirage
I am enchanted
In its fairy tale.

I float as the cloud
Slowly, maybe softly
As I soar in the sky
I sense a new freedom
As a bird, I glide
I imagine…
My wings could reach…
The moons and stars
As they stare and smile
I have touched my soul.

I open my eyes…
I see him walking…
Away, from me
I pray…
The wind carries him
Back, to me
If only, he could love me.
Certain things in life remain as a mystery
it holds me hard and never lets me free

though it is past, and days have gone
though,this battle I could never have won

I have cried till my eyes turned dry
but I wonder why i still sit and cry

I have seen everything,i'v seen this pain
I felt it piercing through the deepest vein

I still miss you, I miss you so bad
this is why I sometimes go mad

though its gone like water washes away the dirt
can somebody tell me "WHY DOES IT HURT"?

Monday, June 8, 2009

I'm tired of all this, not just me, my soul as well
life was pretty good before but now it has turned into hell

Reading books used to soothe and delight my mind
now I'm unable to even hold it as if I'm blind

Being out with friends used to be so much fun
now I'm a stranger amid them left alone in the sun

Locked inside my room I'm immersed in your letters
I'm planning to burn them all but my mind deters

Eyes glued to my phone I'm longing to hear your voice
waiting like mad I just can't sleep on this bed of ice

The call never comes but you leave me a small message
which is more of a reminder, reading it I'm amazed

You are doing it to me what others did to you,it seems
I guess that's so human but I'm left with shattered dreams

I think my job is over and its time to take the back seat
but I’ll watch the proceedings closely,even miss a heart beat

I don't blame you coz you had warned me before
its all my fault for standing outside the wrong door

Oh I’m so foolish and wow you are so clever
I hate you now but I would love you forever!
I miss the feeling of knowing I have someone
The feeling that there was nothing I couldn’t do
I miss the feeling of happiness
The feeling I had when I was with you

I miss the times when we smiled
When your hand was enclosed tight around mine
I miss the times when you made me laugh
I miss the slow, beautiful everlasting time

And now that you are gone far away
I remember the memories we made
And now that you have forgotten me
The laughter and smiles slowly fade

Your words haunt me nowadays,
Your love forsakes my heart.
Your blood falls from my hand
And the nightmares begin to start

My tears stain the memories
My pain consumes my soul
My happiness slowly drowns
As my fears swallow me whole

My will to live deteriorates
My belief in love fails
I lose myself eternally
As my spirit inside wails

I miss the feeling of happiness…
What is that, pray tell?
I miss the feeling of loving you
Will I ever feel that in Hell?

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Why do I have to crucify myself?
Force my life into a compromise
My existence is so genetically flawed
Forcing my life into a compromise

Stay away from my contagious disease
Innocent we are when we realize
I take the mask off my face
No more innocence left to visualize

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Dreaming about togetherness
i sit and i remember
there was a pleasant time
when you and i were together
you helped me be myself,
you taught me to be good.
i won the losing battle
that i was fighting against myself
your patience got me out of my shell
i learned to have fun
i learned that i love you
and that you love me too
our conversations were effortless,
words were unnecessary
silence was our friend
we needed only each other

then i started searching
beyond you and me
thats when we grew apart
but you still loved me
i made you wait much too long
you moved onto better things
realizing my mistake,
i came crawling back to you.
you forgave my idiocy
but made it very clear
that now there was obviously
a growing space between us.
we'd never go back to what we were
at least not for a while.
i told you that i love you
you said you loved me too
but just like you loved your friends,
and that there was nothing more to it.
i said i understood
that you were right this time
i pretended to accept your decision
but deep inside i cried
each time i heard your voice,
a million times i died.
Screaming at the emptiness
silences the shadows,
replays the memories
but replaces the pain.
noises,darkness,eternity,sunlight?
thoughts are confused,
sanity sees no reason
to exist henceforth
in harmony with me.

Chasing time,
racing memories,
escaping possibilities
and erasing all evidence
that you were once here
that your voice was my strength
that my pain was your enemy
whom we battled against
together, hand in hand.

Consumed by the bitterness
the past throws at me,
struggling, trashing in desperation,
to stay alive long enough
to watch you return,
to see that smile
for all of forever.
but for now i shall live,
hidden in the shadows of time.
Somewhere, a declaration of eternal mourning
Is emphasized by timeless tears,
Insolent drops of burning heartache.

Surreal screams of deep despair
Echo into the seamless skies,
Into calm nights of acceptance.

Twisted bitterness takes a turn
At resonating memories,
At dreaming of subtle glee

And then with a final twinge of pain
Tears, dreams and screams fade away
Into eventual unavoidable silence.
All this time,i didn't know it was true
that you were made for me,
and I've always been yours.
Those lengthy conversations,
the jealousy,the possessiveness
were signs of our destiny,
of what we live for.
Comatose subconscious's always knew,
that i was made specially,
only for you.
We're seperated only by miles,
in our hearts,we're still together.
You're in my dreams each night,
it's where you reside,
your rightful place.
I want you here with me,
as a physical reassurance.
You might never know i love you,
that you're all that i live for.
You're my destiny,
i've always loved you.
How do I tell you what you are to me;
how I feel about you
and myself when I'm with you

I've tried somehow to say;
you're the sun that lights up my sky;
that warms up my face
the winds that embrace
the calmness the ocean sound brings
the beauty of the birds that sings
you filled my world with the beauty of the spring

I want so much to tell;
my days seems incomplete without your presence
since day one I've always wanted to be with you
no matter what mood I'm in
you create reasons to put a smile on my face
and that loving you seems to be all I need to know.
I want to tell how much I care
how much I <3

But everytime I want to
the words just wont come out

yet I wish to tell
that I'm falling for you even more
with each passing millisecond.
No matter, wherever I go or whatever I do
I'll spend the rest of my life
Showing how much I care, how much I love you.
 

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